God's Plan invalidates our feelings of regret.

"I am guilty. Ashamed of what I've done, what I've become. These hands are dirty. I dare not lift them up to the Holy one.." -Lauren Daigle


   Regret is only natural. One of the lessons we are taught early on in Christianity, no matter the denomination, is the fallibility of our actions, and the fact that not a single person, save God is perfect. No matter ho hard we strive, no matter how devout we try to be, we are always imperfect sinners. This is the whole concept behind John 3:16 and our Father's sacrifice of his only son.

   We are taught that no matter the sin, as long as we believe in Christ, and request his forgiveness, He will provide it. All of our imperfections can be washed away, with only our heartfelt repentance. It is one of the most potent gifts the Father provides us, and it is our birthright.

   No matter the veracity of this concept, we still regret our actions, and our past mistakes. We have regret. Sometimes it is an overpowering feeling. We regret decisions we have made, we regret wrongdoings and the ire we have earned from other individuals. We lament the actions we have taken, either because they were vile, wrong, disgusting, selfish or any other one of a myriad of uncomfortable descriptors. This is not an easy emotional battle to fight. This is a battle which can haunt us for years, even lifetimes. I know that I personally reflect on actions I took more than 20 years old, before I was even a teenager, and I feel terrible about what happened.

   For years, I struggled, even before I converted to Christ. Once I began to change as a person, matured, and started living for others, instead of taking actions for completely selfish reasons, I really began to regret things I had done. I had alienated people, pushed my family away time and again. I had destroyed my relationship with my mother, and I had done the same to my Dad, who passed away before I was ever able to make amends.

   When I found out that my Dad had passed, knowing how I left our relationship hanging, regret hit me like a hammer. I was devastated. I was devastated from the loss, and from not being able to say my farewell, but I was more devastated that it had chosen, through avoiding him, to end our relationship on a sour note. Now, I was unable to rectify that. I could not un-ring that bell. I was torn for years with regret. Until my daughter was born.

   When we regret something, that means we wish we had taken different actions and made different decisions, given a second chance. If we were able to rewind time, we would have chosen to do things differently. For me, that is the definition of regret.

   So I had to go back and rethink my past when my daughter was born. If I continued to regret things I had done, that means I wanted events to happen in a different manner. If I wanted to take back my past, then I would have to accept a different present than I have now.

   I would have to accept I would not have my daughter.

   Was I willing to trade my daughter for a second shot at life? Was I willing to change my mistakes, take back my harsh words, take back my wrongs, take back my alienation and failed relationships? Absolutely not.

   If I wasn't willing to take back my past, then the only logical step was to accept my past. The only logical step, was to accept the loss of my Dad on the terms I lost him. I was to accept the alienation of my Mother (who I have since reconnected with, and repaired our relationship...imagine that). I was to accept the things I did not do that I wish I would have, like college, like enlisting after 9/11, like starting businesses I wish I would have started etc. The list goes on and on.

   I realized, to have what I have now, my Wife, my Daughter, my three Sons, my faith in God...to have all that, those mistakes had to be made. All my regrets we part of His Plan. All my mistakes were God's Will, I just didn't know it at the time. All my losses and wrong doings were steps in the right direction. Had I not made those mistakes, I would not have met my Wife, had my Daughter, nor converted and chosen to live for God. All my regrets were irrelevant, and frankly, my regrets were foolish.

   Now, that is not to say that I should feel free to live outside of God, and justify it by claiming it was God's Will. I still have a moral debt to pay. I still committed wrongs, and lived in sin in a manner which did not change God's Plan. Those actions I must be accountable for. God has forgiven me for what I have done, but he promises me no salvation from the judgement of Man. Only from sin.